Rude and crude no more: Shame folks into acting courteous

Chivalry died with World War II, one of my professors used to say. He was the same man who made students take off their baseball caps in class.

One form of public humiliation at Renaissance Fair/Ryn Gargulinski

Public humiliation at Renaissance Fair/Ryn Gargulinski

Common sense’s passing is mourned in its obituary, written by Lori Borgman and first published in 1998.

But we’re still trying to figure out when simple courtesy went extinct. Regardless of its exact date of death, we do know it’s deader than the dodo bird.

We see examples all over Tucson, from bike boy and dog to sidewalk hogs, with really bad drivers and clueless jaywalkers in between.

There are two ways to deal with this frustrating situation.

We can suffer in silence, holding in the anger until we blow up on one random day and punch our fists through a window or wall.

Or we can shame folks into acting properly.

This courteous fellow kept standing up during event, giving those behind him a grand view of his sunburned scalp/Ryn Gargulinski

This courteous fellow kept standing up during event, giving those behind him a grand view of his sunburned scalp/Ryn Gargulinski

No, we can’t bring back medieval stocks and pillories – in this day and age overrun with political correctness, such devices would definitely be considered somewhat incorrect.

But we have a better tool – the Internet.

A new Violation Report website lets us rant, rave and blow off steam about discourteous behavior so we no longer have to punch our fist through a window or wall.

Check it out at

The site, although useful, is mainly for fun, says Violation Report Commissioner Grant Gold.

“Violation Report provides a bulletin board for the public shaming of discourteous people to procure a community that is more aware of the people around them. It is an entertaining outlet for stress that can be used to popularize the consideration of others and shame inattention and thoughtlessness.”

Brooklynite Gold created the site when he New York City’s Metropolitan Transit Authority, which oversees subway trains, had to enact actual laws to get people to act courteously on the trains.

Rude tomato/Ryn Gargulinski

Oh that rude tomato/Ryn Gargulinski

“Things that were once common knowledge are no longer followed by everybody (such as give up your seat to the elderly, disabled and pregnant; or crowded trains are no excuse for inappropriate touching or behavior),” Grant wrote in an e-mail.

“These are things that were obvious up to a point, and now must be mandated as rules. I thought that was a sign of something wrong in our new world of disconnectedness and I wanted to do something about it.”

While New York City may be the rude capital of the world, we’ll bet Tucson could make it in the running.

To report a violation, all we need to do is take a photo of the violation in action and upload it onto the site with a brief description.

For those who really want to get into it, the site even features courtesy manuals or tickets we can hand out to our discourteous fellows.

Just be ready to run – especially with a new Arizona law soon going into effect that lets folks carry concealed weapons without a permit.

More than 50 violations already appear on the site, reported by everyday citizens who are fed up with courtesy’s extinction.

Most of the reported violations thus far are on subway trains, but we Tucsonans can show New Yorkers we have our share of rude and crude, too.

Heck, we may be able to collect as many as 50 examples of rude motorists from one quick drive to the corner store.


Even kids know when rudeness deserves correction/Ryn Gargulinski

Even kids know when rudeness deserves correction/Ryn Gargulinski

wb-logolilWhat do you think?

Is public humiliation a good way to shame people into acting polite?

What do you do when you see someone behaving rudely?

How do you relieve stress when you’re fed up with the behavior of those around you?

Do you start random, public fights?

When was the last time you punched a wall?


About Rynski

Writer, artist, performer who specializes in the weird, wacky and sometimes creepy. Learn more at
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12 Responses to Rude and crude no more: Shame folks into acting courteous

  1. Andrew Ulanowski says:

    Hi Ryn! While motorists do seem to provide the most amount of daily rudeness I have another category. Being stood up for a date. That’s all I’m going to say about that.
    Annoyed in Tucson

    • Rynski says:

      dear annoyed in tucson,
      oh! i am so sorry to hear about that HORRIBLE discourtesy. that is bad. you have every right to be annoyed. if you have a photo of the person – or can draw their likeness – perhaps you can post it on the violation report site.
      i just posted sunburned scalp man.
      oh! also being waaaay late for a date is rude – unless folks at least call to let you know what’s going on – by waaaay late i mean more than 30 minutes. that’s when i just go home. heck with ’em.
      hope you feel less annoyed – and heck with the stander-upper. their loss, so there!

  2. Ferraribubba says:

    I guess that I was lucky. When I was with APD and off-duty, all I had to do was to show my flat badge and wave a pair of handcuffs with the other hand. That was usually enough to get someone’s attention. <g>
    I never had a problem after that.
    Yer peace lovin’ pal, Ferrari Bubba

  3. Dan says:

    women are least likely to wave a THANKS when you let them into a lane of traffic,, all it takes is a wave or a toot of the horn
    my response rather than to flip them off, is to toot my own horn and wave at them

    • Rynski says:

      ooooh! that is a good one, dan – it is quite irksome when motorists don’t wave ‘thanks’ when let in. i like your solution – i, too, wave at the person while grinning all huge and mouthing ‘you’re welcome!’
      is it more common for women to not wave thanks? maybe they think they are entitled, like the ones who don’t say thanks when guys open the door for them?
      i know in general people don’t like to wave back when you wave for any reason, esp if they happen to be staring at you.

  4. Stephanie says:

    I think that website is creepy as hell.  It just horrifies me that someone would create it.  The guy posts a picture of two people sitting on a practically empty subway car and complains that they are taking up too much space?  Uh, what?  And did these people give permission to have their photos taken?  This guy is a bigger jerk than any of the people he thinks are so rude, afaiac.

    • Rynski says:

      hahah! hiya stephanie –
      i think the site is fun – but i also think creepy is fun – hahahha.
      the posts are from everyday citizens, as grant notes below, not from him. he writes the manuals et. al. and provides the forum.
      thanks for your input – as always! you have a very strong voice, for sure. p.s. i always HATED smushing into seats b/w the alpha stretchers as you mentioned below – but yes, i’d do it too if i wanted to sit bad enough.

  5. Stephanie says:

    Oh, I also thought the way Mr. Violation Report called women “girls” was offensive.  And he is just posting stories about what he SAYS people did with NO PROOF AT ALL.
    How can anyone support this?  It’s libelous.  And fwiw, we are New Yorkers here.  The Alpha Male Stretch has NEVER stopped little ol’ me from getting a seat — ever.

    • Grant Gold says:

      so, just so you know… these reports are filed by everyone, not just one person. Also, please remember that it is just for fun. Everyone will find something offensive.

  6. radmax says:

    Hi Rynski. Being courteous is a given for me. I was raised that way.
    I will always give someone the benefit of the doubt…till they prove they are an uncouth ass…istant administrator. 😉

    • Rynski says:

      hiya radmax,
      glad to hear you were raised to be a courteous chap. it’s glorious when folks open doors, give up seats, let cars into your lane, carry packages, unload groceries and give pedestrians the right of way.
      wow – you sure are busy – haha. here’s hoping we all run into less assistant administrators!

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