Vampires are suave and sultry yet overrated

Vampires are hot.

Vampire bat photo and painting by Ryn Gargulinski

Vampire bat photo and painting by Ryn Gargulinski

But don’t take it from me, the one addicted to blood, gore and true crime – take it from the slew of movies and TV shows that feature the dark and strangely sultry beings.

Twilight. The Vampire Dairies. Let the Right One In. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. Lesbian Vampire Killers.

We also have more than 20 vampire movies or TV series coming out within the next two years, according the Suburban Vampire blog.

As popular as these demon creatures are, actually being a vampire is definitely overrated. Sure, they get to sleep in coffins and wear really keen capes, but there are way too many drawbacks.

Vampire bat photo and painting by Ryn Gargulinski

Vampire bat photo and painting by Ryn Gargulinski

They have to stay in the dark. Those of us who suffer from SAD, or Seasonal Affective Disorder, would agree that lack of sunlight would be a living hell. Sure, our skin may reap the benefits of avoiding the harmful rays, but if a little winter makes us depressed imagine what an eternity of only darkness would do.

They can’t eat garlic. It’s hard enough getting a restaurant to comply with our wishes of no butter or mayo – think if we had to order things without garlic. All Italian food would be out, as would garlic bread, garlic knots and that really spicy chili I just crock potted. Food would be tasteless and bland.

They are junkies. The thirst for blood may, at a glance, seem really neat-o. But if we really examine it, it is more than a mere thirst. It’s an addiction – an obsession. Their lust for blood rules their lives and is the only thing on their minds. How annoying. Beyond annoying. It could be deadly. We’ve seen drug and alcohol addiction kill off some of our favorite musicians. We’ve seen what an alleged addiction to sex did to Tiger Woods.

They are immortal. We think a lifetime of Mondays is bad? Think of an eternity of Mondays. That would get old real quick. Especially if we spent all of Monday – and the entire week – seeking our next blood fix.

Don’t get me wrong – we can still admire, be enthralled by or even lust after these shuddersome beings. But we also must remember how annoying it would be to be a vampire before we let one kiss us sweetly on the neck.

[tnipoll]

This blog was inspired by a recent viewing of the movie Blade, which my boyfriend left at my house for several months before he could finally talk me into watching it. It was actually pretty good.

Vampire bat photo and painting by Ryn Gargulinski

Vampire bat photo and painting by Ryn Gargulinski

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What do you think?

Are you a fan of vampires?

What was the best/worst vampire movie or show you’ve seen? Why?

Would you want to be a vampire? What about a werewolf?

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About Rynski

Writer, artist, performer who specializes in the weird, wacky and sometimes creepy. Learn more at ryngargulinski.com.
This entry was posted in danger, death, gross stuff, life, movies and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to Vampires are suave and sultry yet overrated

  1. radmax says:

    Mornin’ Rynski. The Blade flicks with Wesley Snipes are pretty cool. A little different take on an old theme, a vampire who hunts and destroys vampires. The two ‘Underworld’ flicks with Kate Beckinsale were also watchable, but on the whole I usually despise this genre.
    Vlad the Impaler (the basis for much of the vampire myth)in truth, was much more fascinating. One sick puppy.

    • Rynski says:

      hiya radmax!
      yes, i was pleasantly surprised by the blade movie – i briefly wanted to be the evil vampire woman character, which is what got me thinking about the drawbacks. besides, i already tried jet black hair and it made me look too pasty (which is a plus for vampirism, for sure) – hahha
      i think i saw one of the underworld flicks and i tried watching let the right one in – i’m none too fond of the genre, either, but vlad is one sick dude – i’ll give you that!

    • azmouse says:

      Vlad was nuts!

    • Andrew Ulanowski says:

      Hey Radmax,
      I thought Blade series was pretty good, a bit of cheese which is always good.
      I read the Underworld books and enjoyed them much more than the flicks, though Kate is nice to look at . . .
      The stories of Vlad the Impaler are wild and if he freaked the Turks out, it was a time to worry.
      My family goes back to the Mongols of old . . . my last name refers to a type of Pikeman or so I have been told. One of my sisters has epicanthic folds and has very brown skin. My skin is simply olive. Most Koreans find there heritage in the Mongols.

  2. Jennatoolz says:

    Heya Ryn!! My favorite creepy being would be serial killers…I mean,  I wouldn’t want to meet one, but I find their stories fascinating sometimes.

    As far as this whole vampire craze going on, yep, I agree that it’s overrated. I enjoyed that Brad Pitt movie, Interview with a Vampire. I also enjoyed the Blade movies, but that’s as far as I go. I’ve purposely avoided watching any Twilight movie.

    All of this reminded me of a time when I had just graduated high school, and a friend/co-worker of mine asked if I’d be interested in a Role-playing Game (strictly non-sexual) about vampires. I thought it would be fun to have a kind of alter ego…but it turns out it was just too weird for my taste haha. I just couldn’t get into the character I had created for myself. Our Halloween game was pretty fun though. We made a cake that was blood red with black icing, and I somehow managed to create 3D vampire teeth on it. We also had Brain juice to sip on. Then, the lighting consisted of those cool candles that “bleed” when you light them. Ohhh the memories…

    • Rynski says:

      hiya jenna!
      i’m with you on the serial killers – but i’m also a big fan of dragons. so i have yet to respond to the poll. i just can’t decide. oh, the dilemmas of life! hahahhaa.
      i wholly agree i would not want to meet a serial killer – unless he was behind bars and i got an exclusive interview, of course.
      the twilight posters, photos and other paraphernalia is all over the place – make it go away!
      never tried any role playing but i hear some folks get REALLY into it – didn’t some take it to extremes and kill someone? that seems to be yet another true crime i read way in the back of my head.
      your halloween cake feast and bleeding candles sounds fabulous! those are fond memories – hahahha. who wouldn’t love a memory of brain juice?
      oh! for future reference – there’s also a really gross halloween game where you make everyone sit in the dark and pass around parts from a dismembered corpse. use peeled grapes for the eyeballs and you’ll be grossing everyone out.

      • Jennatoolz says:

        Haha that Halloween game sounds quite entertaining!! Much better than that RPG stuff. My friends were sooo much more into it than I was, and it was just too much for my brain to comprehend. My friend/coworker already had too many personalities for me to keep track of…over the years that I’ve known her, she’s been a straight woman (engaged to a man, even), then that creepy vampire RPG woman, and now she’s a full-on lesbian with a male alter ego. I love her anyways, haha.

      • Rynski says:

        hahha – what a fun friend – wow!
         

  3. leftfield says:

    Good Morning, Ryn.  Karl Rove is still my favorite creepy little thing.  Just imagining his flabby, pale neck and his beady little lifeless eyes gives me the willies.   

  4. azmouse says:

    I voted for serial killers too. I’m with Ryn, I’d love the chance to sit down and talk to one…look them in the eyes and see what is there.

    I have only seen one vampire movie in my life that I like and it’s Near Dark. Cheesy but effective. The little kid Homer in the movie is the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen. I can’t imagine him being my child and trying to sleep in the same house with him. Best scene in the movie is the bar scene, and where the head vampire guy cuts the waitresses throat, tips her over and fills a beer mug with her blood. Good stuff.

    Otherwise, I’m not a fan of vampire movies….Lost Boys was good too, I guess.

    • Rynski says:

      hahhaha! the bar blood mug scene sounds hilarious. have to put it on my list, right after i get the cheesy burning bed out of the way. a child vampire sounds fun.
      OK, you guys convinced me on the serial killer vote. heck with dragons.

      • azmouse says:

        Near Dark is a must see, even if it is about vampires. Made in the eighties I think, but it’s had kind of a cult following ever since.

      • Rynski says:

        thanks – i’m adding it to my blockbuster queue!

      • Andrew Ulanowski says:

        Hola Mouse,
        I’ll have to go look at Bookman’s for that one. I am a fan of old scary movies: Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi, Peter Lorre, Vincent Price. That’s not all I’ll watch certainly but a great deal of modern horror film doesn’t interest me.

      • Rynski says:

        vincent price rocks.

  5. Entropy says:

    Other – Zombies.
     
    They are making a serious comeback. I think mostly due to the backlash of the TON of sexy, sultry vampires we have to endure of late.
     
    I reccommend Zombiemania:
    http://www.netflix.com/Movie/Zombiemania/70123547?trkid=1660
     
    If you have netflix, you can stream it.

    • Rynski says:

      i KNEW i was forgetting a cool creepy thing or two!
      yes, zombies. they are an excellent anecdote to the overdose of sultry vampires, for sure – hahah.
      thanks for input and link, entropy.

  6. Andrew Ulanowski says:

    Hi Rynski-rama, as I said on the FB side of your post: Crispin Glover, Paul Reubens and Juliette Lewis are my favorite creepy little things.
    I would want to be a werewolf because part of me would still be human. I like the idea of being amazingly strong and fast. If you’re a vampire, you’re undead and that’s no longer human.

    • Rynski says:

      hey andrew –
      thanks for hilarious answers (on both sides of post) – and the werewolf response. true, you get to stay part human, but all that hair could get quite annoying. it would clog up the shower drain.
      werewolves always kind of freaked me out ever since my friend and i were going to try to turn into one following some instructions in a book that told us to stand on a hill in a pentagram or something. yuck.
      i’ll still stick with serial killer answer (haha)/

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