Two victories in the war against solicitors

Those annoying door-to-door solicitors have a new weapon in their arsenal.

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

Photo Ryn Gargulinski

Masking tape.

That’s right. The group Orphans of the World, Inc., has gone as far as to actually plaster a flier and bag to the door with a hunk of masking tape.

Thankfully these Orphans folks were at least insightful enough to go with painters tape, which can be easily removed without permanent damage.

But they still got a lot of gall. And they still needed to be taught a lesson.

As some of you may know, my door is already outfitted with three signs to deter the door-to-door solicitors.

These include “No Soliciting;” “Trespassers will be shot,” which conveniently appears in both English and Spanish; and a cute little skull sign with the words: “Go Away.”

Obviously some people just don’t get the point.

Since these signs have been in place, my front door has still been accosted. Political campaigners have still rung my doorbell and left literature on the doormat. Others have left junk dangling from the doorknob and business cards and fliers shoved in the doorjamb. Little donation bags have also been left on the driveway, but we’ll just assume these folks didn’t see the signs.

We would think the “No Soliciting” sign would take care of all of the above, since soliciting applies to a broad spectrum, not just prostitutes.

Merriam-Webster defines soliciting as: to approach with a request or plea.

Perhaps the Orphans people thought they were exempt since their flier, which showcased a photo of a hunched-over starving child, had a headline that exclaimed: “We Do Not Want Your Money.”

They wanted my old cell phones and other electronic devices that I could leave in front of the house in the bag they provided.

So I filled the bag with garbage and left it on the curb. They picked it up the next day.

Sign and photo Ryn Gargulinski

Sign and photo Ryn Gargulinski

I also hooked up a new sign that should hopefully cover all bases, even for those who don’t think they fall under the definition of soliciting.

The new sign reads:

Do NOT leave things stuck to, inserted in, hanging from or near door.

Will report as littering (ARS 13-1603).

I then learned I have new soldiers in my battle.

The monthly homeowner’s association newsletter announced the entire neighborhood would soon be outfitted with “No Soliciting” signs.

If the solicitors continue to bug us, it read, we are to contact the manager with the name of the group and she’ll take care of it.

You don’t want to mess with the homeowners association people. And hopefully neither will the Orphans group.



What do you think?

What’s the most annoying solicitation you’ve had?

How do you deal with it?

What’s the sweetest revenge you’ve ever gotten?


About Rynski

Writer, artist, performer who specializes in the weird, wacky and sometimes creepy. Learn more at
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38 Responses to Two victories in the war against solicitors

  1. leftfield says:

    Good morning, Ryn.  It’s good to know that someone else has to get up so early this morning. 

    In my former domicile, I was most often solicited by religious organizations.  I found it most effective simply to announce myself as a godless communist.  The majority were left speechless.  Those who took up the challenge were asked, “Have you heard the word of Karl Marx today”?  It is a truism that those who want to talk to you about their beliefs are never interested in hearing about your beliefs.  

    Now that we live out in the boonies, we are spared not only the attacks of solicitors, but the tyranny of HOA’s.   

    • Rynski says:

      good morning, leftfield.
      yes, i am definitely a morning person – love the early a.m.
      glad to hear you are avoiding both solicitors and merciless HOA’s in your current abode. nice!
      also like your style when dealing with religious organ. very funny! a friend of mine did a similar thing when a gaggle of jehovah’s witnesses came to his door. he answered the ring, all wild eyed with his hair askew, and said, “c’mon in! and let me tell you about MY BELIEFS.”
      they ran.

      • leftfield says:

        I’m not really a morning person.  In fact, I’m not a mid-day or evening person either.  But, like all good commies, I am committed to work, family values and taking care of my chickens.  Chickens are very much morning creatures and they wake up with a healthy appetite and a demanding attitude.

        Later.  Off to spread communist propaganda and add fluoride to the water.

      • Rynski says:

        enjoy the fluoride dispersement!

  2. andrew says:

    Nothing like tea and crumpets with a masking tape stranger
    Recent marks

  3. leftfield says:

    One last piece of wisdom beofre I head out the door.  This for our friends in the Midwest who are experiencing a very cold winter.  Grandpa always said, “If you have chapped lips, smear a little chicken poop on your lips.  It will keep you from licking them”. 

    • Rynski says:

      ha! wonder if that works to deter thumb sucking, too? thanks, lefty. enjoy your chicken duties. (maybe you can market this unique ‘chapstick’?)

  4. azmouse says:

     I had a guy come to the house two days ago and he didn’t want money either! NOT
    And what is with this ‘scavenger hunt’ thing? If you don’t buy a magazine subscription, they want stuff for a scavenger hunt. A pink thong???

    I usually try to be polite and let them say what they have to say and then I politely decline. Then they get pushy and get an attitude until they force me to have to get defensive and rude, which I don’t want to do. I hate that when it happens.

    • Rynski says:

      hey AZMouse, and Happy Bday!
      hope one of your gifts are no dang solicitors of any type!
      i’m not sure about the scavenger hunt, but i do know i was recently sucked into not one but THREE magazine subscriptions when i was caught off guard on my driveway – far from my door signs.
      that’s another reason i don’t like solicitors, i am a patsy for buying crap.
      and yes, some can get very pushy when you politely decline. i had one guy try and push his way into my house even.
      jerk. may your bday be filled with only non-jerks and happiness.

    • Jennatoolz says:


  5. Jennatoolz says:

    I take a similar approach to Leftfield here, I’ve told a man and his son who wanted to tell me about their God that I didn’t believe in God. They stuttered a bit when asking “W-Wh-Why not?” Then they tried to give me one of their tiny bibles. At that point, I just shut the door. 😛
    So far, in my new place, I’ve been stalked by the creepy screen door girl who conveniently lives next door. Also, as my arms were full of groceries, a  young boy came up to me and asked if we’d like to donate to something (I don’t recall what it was exactly). I told him no as I tried to make my way inside and he resorted to begging! “Please! It will keep me and my friends out of gangs and off drugs!” He said. I replied, “Well it looks a little too late for that…and my arms are tired.” Door shut. The end.
    Is that mean? Hahah.
    PS Love the new sign Rynski! Maybe these solicitors will learn to read someday! 😀

    • Rynski says:

      oh, no! the screen door girl – hahhah. i forgot about her – too bad you are constantly reminded of her existence.
      if the bibles were little enough, maybe you could have made it into a fine keychain for sale on ebay.
      thanks for sign compliment and no, that is not mean to ask to be left alone, esp. in and around your own home!
      how crude on the beggin’ boy. i think he was at my door not too long ago with a big plastic tub full of whatever he was selling.
      i took his little flier and went inside, read it and emerged with a dollar bill. told him his cause was good but all i have is $1. here.
      guess what he said?
      “i can take a check.”

      • Jennatoolz says:

        Yes! He did have a tub! He also mumbled and talked fast so it was a little hard to understand the kid. 😛

      • azmouse says:

        They will also wait if you need to make an ATM run, or so they’ve told me.

      • Rynski says:

        more for the jerk pile~!
        geesh, will they help me search under my mattress, too, just in case there is a dime that fell out of my pajama pocket? hahah
        jenna – i bet it was the same tub kid – dark, short hair – looked at the ground when he spoke – mumbly, like you said, and no clue as to what the heck he was trying to sell – although he did enunciate quite clearly when he wanted me to give him a check.

      • Jennatoolz says:

        Quite possible Ryn!! He sure does make his way around town, lol!!

  6. Andrew Ulanowski says:

    Morning Ryn! I just answer the door naked . . .
    Happy Birthday Mouse! 🙂 So whatcha doing for your birthday?

    • Rynski says:

      mornin andrew!
      try the duct taped naked picture and let me know how it works. hahahhaha.

      • Andrew Ulanowski says:

        It also works to learn a phrase or 2 in Danish. The one I use is “I love you my hungry chicken” – people think I don’t speak English and they go away.
        I really do love your sign Ryn, to include the cited statute. The color is awesome!

      • Rynski says:

        thanks on sign compliment – i figured the statute would scare them a bit – unless they don’t know what ARS means – maybe they’ll think i’m saying Always Rootingfor Solicitors – hahahah

      • Andrew Ulanowski says:

        Always Rooting for Solicitors!   Awesome Rifle Shooters? Andrew Rocks Suarita?

    • azmouse says:

      Thanks Andrew!
      Well, it’s just me and my seventeen year old son (after he gets out of school) today, so not to much. Either gonna go out to dinner, or I thought about grilling some salmon for me, a steak for him….
      The actual birthday festivities will be this Saturday with the family. Not that we get that festive at my age any more. lol

      So, you answer the door naked? If I knew men were answering their doors naked, I’d try and sell one of my crappy knick-knacks door to door, just to get a peak! Ha-Ha-Ha

  7. Andrew Ulanowski says:

    I just had a thought . . . perhaps duct taping a photo of myself answering the door naked might deter a few folk . . .

  8. detroitMike says:

    I went with tea and crumpets… err… a beer or a cup of coffee. Many moons ago, it was dead of winter in Mi. and the mormons were going door to door (they declined the beer and the coffee). Had an entertaining 30 min conversation with them. Another time this young gal came to my door, and her group was promoting clean water …. she really smelled of BO … thought maybe she could use some of that clean water to take a shower, ya think?

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