Yes, kiddies, even though Halloween is all in fun and frivolity, that doesn’t mean you have to ruin the environment.
You can be green for Halloween – which means saving the Earth, not necessarily dressing as a frog or a witch.
Forget the Butterfingers. Many of you kids are too fat, anyway, since all you do is sit around and play video games.
Rather than candy, tell all your big people friends to mete out “organic, fair trade fruit snacks, raisins, juice boxes, snack bars, trial size packs of veggie chips.” Obesity and overweight statistics are already at a hefty 67 percent. Don’t make it 68.
Forget the stupid plastic costumes. Those store-bought atrocities are never original and wholly disposable. They are also made of thin, icky plastic that will eventually clog our waterways and feels gross against the skin. Rather than investing in yet another landfill item, borrow stuff from your adult friends for costumes.
If you know a beekeeper, I’m sure he’ll be happy to hand over his hat and netting. Belly dancers will be glad to let you wear their tasseled bikini tops and finger chimes. And don’t forget your neighbor, Mr. Policeman. You can borrow his hat, badge and gun.
Don’t make dad inflate Frankenstein in the middle of your yard. Sure, those big, inflatable Halloween decorations may look snazzy, but all that air being pumped inside is wasting energy and probably screwing up our ozone.
They are also known to randomly deflate and rip. This becomes a choking hazard for any kittens, coyotes and babies that may randomly crawl across the lawn.
Instead make Halloween decorations out of recycled materials or something strong and durable so you can later hang them in your bedroom all year round. Use washable, re-usable pillowcases instead of plastic pumpkins to gather your loot.
Walk already. Don’t have your parents drive you around and idle the engine outside every house from which you will gather your organic, fair trade fruit snacks. Get out and walk. Have mom or dad park on the corner and walk around the whole block.
Better yet, carpool with neighbors so you can cram as many kids as possible into one vehicle. This will cut down on pollution and put fewer cars on the road, which means less chance of running over a child who haphazardly darts across the street dressed as a ghost.
It will also let a host of adults get out of the trick or treating gig, as they can claim they cannot fit in the car and the person driving will be stuck with the whole gaggle of children.
Source: Some original ideas but mostly highly embellished news release from the Pima County Department of Environmental Quality.
Disclaimer: Although this was written with sarcasm, some of these are actually pretty good ideas. But please don’t loan a kid your police badge and gun. And we’re not sure how excited kids will get over organic, fair trade veggie chips.
What do you think?
Should folks concentrate on going green and feeding kids fruit snacks instead of candy?
Is the “go green” movement something you try to embrace or is the whole thing getting on your nerves?