Working from home has a bazillion perks – from lounging around in pajamas to bouncing ideas off your dogs.
But the biggest perk, by far, is not having to deal with Tucson traffic.
The few times I do have to drive each week I have become so acutely aware of how bad some drivers can be that it’s actually painful.
Tucson’s top five worst driving habits are so widespread, in fact, they may actually be perceived as diseases.
Let’s start with putt putt disorder – Unlike it may sound, this ailment has nothing to do with golf – unless you note those suffering from putt putt disorder move as slowly as a golf game on TV.
Putt putters especially enjoy speeding up to cut in front of you, only to have the disorder kick in the moment you are locked in behind them.
They will proceed to putt putt down the road at an agonizing slow pace nowhere near the speed limit. They will also habitually take the left lane, especially when the lane has a sign that asks slower traffic to move to the right.
Putt putt disorder leads to late appointments and wasted gas from averaging between 14 and 22 mph with lots of sudden braking in between.
Fishbowl syndrome – Unlike putt putters who take it slow all the time, those suffering from fishbowl syndrome are afflicted only when they have to make a turn.
It will not matter if they were cruising down the road at a keen 45 mph. Nor will it matter if there are seven cars on their tail.
The minute they have to turn left or right they will come to a complete stop and then slowly maneuver around the bend, as if they were protecting a fishbowl perched on the front seat from splashing.
Wouldn’t want to kill that goldfish, now.
Fishbowl syndrome can definitely lead to rear end collisions and a lot of ruined roads from all those skid marks right behind them.
Blinker oblivion – If we took a random poll of Tucson drivers to ask them what the blinker is used for, we could probably bet at least half of them would not even know their cars were outfitted with such a feature.
The other half would not know how to shut it off.
This ailment could easily lead to sideswipes, T-bones, collisions with pedestrians, motorcycles and bicyclists, and a bad case of road rage.
Green light paralysis – This is definitely a Tucson thing, for in no other city have I ever seen a line of cars just continue to sit there when the light turns green.
Even when the cars do begin to move, they will do so at such a crawl that by the time it’s your turn to go through the intersection, the light is once again red.
Green light paralysis can lead to missing the next seven or more lights since the dude at the front of the line is most often the one who is paralyzed.
This ailment can also induce headaches from the blaring horns.
Speed camera hypnosis – Similar to green light paralysis but not as terminal, speed camera hypnosis only slows down the driver rather than stops him completely.
Whenever there is a posting, sign or actual sighting of a speed camera in the area, many motorists will automatically go into a stupor that lies at least 10 miles below the actual speed limit.
Speed camera hypnosis causes neck tension and backups, not unlike a real bad case of heartburn.
While these driving diseases may seem insurmountable, they can be cured with a lot of practice, common sense and a dose of that thing called driving school.
In fact, take two classes and call me in the morning.
Ryn Gargulinski is a poet, artist, performer and TucsonCitizen.com Ryngmaster who often thinks sticking toothpicks in your eyes would be more than driving in Tucson traffic. Listen to a preview of her column at 8:10 a.m. Thursdays on KLPX 96.1 FM. Her column appears every Friday on Rynski’s Blogski. E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.
What Tucson driving habit irks you the most?
Are you guilty of any bad driving habits? What are they?
Do you think Tucson should try enforcing the MINIMUM speed limit to offset all the Putt Putt Disorders?